publix with red crossthrough graphic

APRIL FOOLS: Publix to Close Hundreds of Florida Locations

Turns out our favorite supermarket isn’t so super after all. Publix released an official investor statement this morning regarding ongoing lawsuits from Wal-Mart dating back to 2013. These lawsuits are finally being settled, with Publix facing over $860 million in settlements/damages, dealing massive financial damage to our beloved grocery store.

As a result, Publix announced that they will be closing “dozens of stores” in Georgia, Alabama, along with “hundreds of Florida stores” where Publix currently operates in 764 locations.

Wal-Mart filed suit in 2013 claiming infringement and theft of proprietary “store layout methodology algorithms”. Wal-Mart claims these algorithms were trade secrets leaked by executives who left Wal-Mart to work for Publix in early 2012.

Publix allegedly utilized these algorithms to drive store growth and take market share from Wal-Mart in the last four years. In addition to the store closings, Publix announced massive layoffs of over 20,000 employees across the southeast in an effort to weather this financial blow and keep the franchise alive.

This is a truly tragic and trying time for us Floridians, get your pub subs while you still can.

We’ve got the official statement and list of store closings via their stockholder relations website

Read the statement here

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15 comments

  1. this is not true

  2. Ok Ya got meeeeee hahahaha:)

  3. oh my gosh! you got me!

  4. That ones pretty good, today, I got all dressed up, I knew I need to go to the bank to withdraw some money to pay some bills, I told the clerk that I’m a “power-ball” winner and would this bank be interested in a large deposit? The treatment as well as the free coffee and doughnuts were quite nice, that was until I really needed to go and pay some bills, I replied April fool.

  5. Says April fools at the top duhhhhhhh

  6. Grow up mike. Not everyone wants to look like or be served by tats and beards. Pull up your pants

  7. Kwitcherbellyakin

    You half got me. Nobody holds a candle to Publix. I was shaking my head “NOOOO” till I got to the punch line.

  8. Time to ban Vald-a-mart.

    • Í was injured in a negligence in a North Miami, Florida PUBLIX Supermarket..
      They have neglected me and it has damage my life and my family’s…
      I want JUSTICE and the corrupt Publix has never complied with the damage they have caused my family and I to suffer tremendously.
      Help me please…. x

  9. not funny i shared on my site and now every is pissed

  10. This is awesome! My husband and son can stay home all day every day and we can live off the gubmint!
    Geez people, consider the day. And take a chill pill.

  11. I saw that the writer of this piece is Lincoln Devine and figured that was part of the April Fool’s joke because, surely that had to be a made up name, right? But, I guess it is the name of one of the writers and not of a porno star.

  12. srrsly? so if i work at a subway and find out mayo is good on subs and the door is best entered in the middle of the store and the sign is best angled 15 inches from the left corner of the property i could get sued if i open my own deli and do the same? so, if walmart wants to shut down any store.. all they have to do is send in their old managers to go in and change things to their store ways and then sue the stores.. smh.. this is just wrong.

  13. So many people butt hurt on April Fools. Everyone takes everything WAY to serious! Besides, you read it Online! Why does everyone believe everything posted Online!?!?

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