Things Floridians Like Florida Humor and NewsMajority of life is spent in a bathing suit
Florida’s weather is not like any other state’s. Sunny skies and tropical temperatures, make for a warm climate almost all year around. Often times, the only comfortable outfit to wear is a bathing suit and t-shirt. Opportunities to wear pants, coats and other restricting winter clothing are very seldom. With the amount of time Floridians spend near backyard pools, golf course lakes and at the beach it is often tempting to cool off in these sources of water. Residents must always be prepared for spontaneous beach trips and impromptu pool parties. Wearing bathing suits majority of your life in Florida can be become a burden as they are only appropriate to wear with comfortable open toed sandals.
Publix leading to childhood obesity
How is a child supposed to say no to free fresh baked cookies, home cooked samples and crispy fried chicken aromas filling the grocery store? It is simply unfair how amazing Publix grocery stores really are. The company’s generosity and personal customer service makes shopping too much of a pleasure, often leading to multiple visits per week. Publix lures in children with their fresh baked goods, overriding their ability to reject free cookies. It’s not easy to fight the urge to indulge as the elderly woman peer pressures customers into free samples of lunch meat, and various taste tests. Not to mention the addicting deep fried chicken tenders openly displayed in the deli. Not accepting these free samples and taste tests can cause serious psychological damage. Yes, even grocery shopping in Florida is a struggle.
Never leaving the state for vacations
Often times, Floridians are forced to spend their lives sheltered from experiencing other states and landscapes around the country. When you live in the state that boasts the phrase, “we live where you vacation” it is hard to escape the area that tourists love to spend to much time in. Visitors to the state are blessed with opportunities to travel thousands of miles, spending days crossing state lines and meeting foreigners while waiting in long lines at airports. Unfortunately, Floridians can only travel a few hours by car to visit these world famous attractions. Living within walking distance from beaches, and calling the most pristine golf courses in the world your backyard is very common amongst Floridians. The state’s superior highway systems restrict scenery to forests of palm trees, Ron Jon Surf Shop billboards and coastal scenery as residents travel across Florida. It’s a shame Floridians only have to travel a short distance to visit the Sunshine State’s most beautiful attractions, eliminating opportunity to wait through snow delays and baggage claim lines.
Winter clothing is rarely worn
Sweater weather? Never heard of it. Peacoat? Is that even a real word? Thermal underwear and stockings? People actually wear those? Yes, but not in Florida. The weather rarely drops below the freezing point, or 50 degrees for that matter. With an average year round temperature of 75 degrees, Florida deprives it’s residents of dressing in trendy winter jackets. Leggings, hoodies and Uggs are the extent of winter wardrobe in the Sunshine State.
Never seeing snow
That’s right, three out of four Florida natives have never experienced the frozen magic that is snow. The extent of snowfall that many Floridians have seen is foam bubbles blowing down the streets of Disney to simulate a winter wonderland. Want to have a snowball fight in Florida? Go to your local ice skating rink, throw a sweater on over your tank top and lace up a pair of rental blades. Ball up the melting ice around the boards, and blast your friends with the slightly frozen manmade water. To put it into perspective, a snowball fight is like going to the beach on a warm summer day and tossing balled up beach sand at each other- but without the hours of shoveling of snow and temperatures below freezing. If only Floridians could have that same fun in freezing cold weather, running the risk of frostbite and hypothermia for three months out of the year.
Spontaneous trips to amusement parks on the weekends
Have you ever just wanted to relax on the weekends? Maybe layout by the pool, or stay inside and read a book? Instead, your parents insist that you take the short drive to one of America’s most notable theme parks in Orlando? It’s the worst. Universal Studios, Disney World, Islands of Adventure, Wet N’ Wild, Lego Land, Blizzard Beach, Magic Kingdom- the threats to your weekend freedom are endless. Why can’t Floridians be like the rest of the country and plan a trip years in advance, spending thousands of dollars traveling to visit local attractions? Living within a hundred miles from some of the best amusement parks in the world sucks- you never know when your parents could pack up the car, and force you to spend hours at a the “The Most Magical Place On Earth”.
Having to wear sunscreen 24/7
Thinking about dropping the convertible top in your Mercedes, taking the doors off your Jeep, or opening the sunroof of your sedan to enjoy a summer cruise to the beach? You better hope you have some SPF ready to lather up in. Yes, Floridians even have to be cautious about sunburns while driving. Taking an afternoon stroll around one of Florida’s pristine parks? Rub on some sunscreen, or you’re likely to absorb some serious natural UV rays in your skin. Everyday, Florida’s tropical climate and sunny days put residents at risk for exposure to high levels of Vitamin-C, Vitamin-D and darkening their skin into a perfect golden brown tan. Florida’s lack of cloud cover and warm weather can often make living in the Sunshine State very difficult.
Don’t let the rumors fool you. Living in Florida “sucks”. The abundance of sunshine, endless attractions, tropical weather and beautiful people make life a struggle in the Sunshine State. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. If you grew up in Florida, you will understand these 10 Memories Growing Up in Florida.
but part of this is true, I really do miss snow during the winter.
What is there to miss about it?
Totally true….all of it. My wife took a job in Orlando so we moved from Raleigh, NC. We lasted ONE year. Once we quit being ‘tourists’ and became day to day residents, it sucked for the most part.
Great place to visit, horrid place to live.
That’s hilarious. I thought I hated living in Florida then moved out of state and only lasted a year and thought the same exact thing about the state I lived in for a year. I guess home is always home.
Agree 100%. Don’t let Flotidians fool you or suck you in. They (mostly anyone who is trying to sell u something) want u to believe it is the greatest place on Earth. It is not. Hot, humid, muggy weather 8 months straight. Plus the average IQ is about 30. Also, wages so low you have to work 2-3 jobs to live like the newly retired couple from NY living next door to you. FL is a fantasy world just like Disney. After about a year or two the newness wears off and you are miserable and miss home, family, friends, great sports teams, etc. all FL has to offer is nice weather when the rest of the country is fighting brutal snowstorms……
You got that right, brother!!!! ; ) HORRID place to live, but GREAT place to visit!!!!
Love Florida, lived elsewhere (with snow) for most of my life. My job makes me leave the state, but I can’t wait to see the Florida Georgia line. Oh, I dislike tourists so we don’t go to the huge parks.
You left out smokers everywhere, cigarette butts and beer cans all over the beach, CRIME, number 1id theft state. My salary was doubled to come here and work for lockheed. Ive lasted 3 years and back out west i go. If it wasnt for surfing the polluted atlantic i would have left in a year also. Trashy tattoed white people always complaining about blacks and latinos apparantly have no mirrors in their hovels. You will regret moving to Florida unless your a white trash, smoking, tattoed idiot. If you habe money, your risking your LIFE here. Schools are drug filled. I pulled my kids out of the schools in the first semester. The kids here just smoke weed and end up as roofers or homeless.
Reasons to leave Florida ,, Hurricanes, rednecks, poor low paying jobs, Rick Scott,very bad city crime, GOP run legislature, HOAs, unbearable heat 9 months of the year, High electric bills, open carry, stand your ground, George Zimmerman, Casey Anthony, almost zero public transportation, bugs, snakes, spiders everywhere, Christmases that are not cold and snowy….
Amen to EVERYTHING you said!!!!
Stupid assessment. 9 months of hot or warm weather……..great!! I can ride my motorcycle more often. George Zimmerman? Who cares, I’ll probably never see him or Casey Anthony. Who in their right mind would use a high profile criminal as a reason to leave a state??? That’s PROOF right there that Floridians simply scrape up excuses to hate living there. Please leave Florida (my hopeful) home state so that someone who would appreciate it would live there. I’m STUCK in Ohio and have been trying to move to Florida since 2014. It SUCKS in Ohio. 9 months of mediocre weather and cold grey skies. I hope 2017 is my last year in this frozen ice box.
I HATE FLORIDA & YOU CAN HAVE IT, HOTTTER THEN HELL, BUGS, REDNECKS, YOU CAN HAVE IT !!! I’M MOVING BACK TO OHIO & WILL NEVER EVEN COME BACK TO THIS FRAUD, WHT. TRASH REDNECK STATE EVEN FOR A VACATION !!! FLOR-I-DUH………..SUCKS !!!!!
I’m here now. Left Ohio in September of 2017 and LOVING it!!! Drove home from work with the top down in my convertible…..meanwhile back in Ohio it’s 25 degrees. Boring, cold and everyone hunkered in trying to stay warm.
Let me see, I’ve lived in Florida since 2008 when my wife took a job here. I don’t really care for the state but I listen to all these people with “I moved here from such and such a state and Florida is horrible” and have to laugh. I spent 25 years in the Military and I have been stationed in the following states. SC, MO, CA, TX, MA, & NY and I can tell you FL is no worse or any better then those other states.
In Texas there were roaches bigger than anything I’ve seen in FL, as well as more snakes, spiders, scorpions and ticks. They also had a cute little thing called a “chigger” that could make your life absolutely miserable. Texas got hotter and more humid at times then anything I’ve seen in Florida. Also at times I’ve seen places all across the country including the northeast during the summer with temperature and humidity higher then it was in Florida.
While I was stationed in CA on two different occasions my apartment was broken into 5 different time. The one time I caught the individual when he was breaking into my apartment storage area I hit him with a night stick and was almost arrested for battery even though he had a crowbar to he was using to break in with. I have had no issues with anyone trying to steal anything from me in any other state.
I have yet to run across any “redneck” “racist” “white trailer trash” “rude” folks that everyone seems to be talking about. The neighborhood where I live has a very diversified group of people and I am not afraid to walk my dog at night and during the weekend there is all sorts of music playing through out the neighborhood. If I’m outside working people stop and say hello and chat for awhile. The biggest racist I know are my brother in upstate NY and my brothers-in-law in MA. My nephew in NY who has never been any farther south then PA at one time had a pick-up truck with a Confederate flag painted on the roof.
As far as lower paying jobs, that’s a bunch of nonsense. My wife is making more here then she was making in a College in Upstate NY doing the same job. Plus there is no Florida personal State income tax. It also has one of the lowest sales taxes in the country (6.60%)
Yes, Florida is ranked in the top 10 for states with the worse crime rate but it also ranked number 14 overall for the quality of their educational system.
Finally Florida first hurricane in the past 10 year was Matthew this past year. During that same time it seems that the mid Atlantic and the Northeast had more problems with Hurricanes then Florida. Plus Florida has had no significant winter storm damage in the past century.
Do I plan on staying here? HELL NO, as soon as my wife retires, we are heading back to upstate NY with REAL season along with the snow and cold for the winter months.
Good idea!! Move back up north, I would do it today if I could!!!! Hate this freakin’ place, and stuck here for now.
I wish I can trade you places. Heck, I’ll even trade jobs if possible. Don’t know how much you earn but I earn over $65K and would be happier making $20K if I could never deal with snow or temperatures below 50 degrees for the rest of my life.
Florida DOES suck, and BIG time. I’ve lived here 6 years and would leave tomorrow if I could. Way, way, way too humid…..crazy people running away from their bad behavior up north (no, I’m not one of those…lol…), poor employment prospects, horrible public schools that make you suspect anyone who graduates from them or one of the colleges, and people who don’t have teeth….and are tatted up the ass!!! And forget about good grooming habits and people who pride themselves in smelling clean. Good grief…..scary!!!! People….think not only twice, but at least a dozen times before moving here. Things aren’t always as they seem!!!!!!!
They ARE as they seem. Every time I visit Tampa I never want to leave. I just fantasize about what it will be like to actually walk to my car in the morning for work and not having to blast the heater on or ice scraping all of the snow off of it. It’ll be so nice to be able to ride my motorcycle home from work more than a couple of weeks at a time. It’ll be nice to NEVER see snow again. It’ll be so so nice and I’m trying VERY hard to limit my days in this frigid boring icebox called Ohio. Florida……..HERE I COME!!!!!
Then move. Do you really want to live somewhere you hate? I moved to Colorado nine years ago from the south. Will NEVER EVER go back. Have you lived in a hat and humid environment before? It is soul sucking.
WHO i their right mind would want SNOW?????????? Snow SUCKS!!!!!! I’m STUCK in this stupid Ohio icebox and I’m trying my BEST to move to Florida. Never having to bundle up or ice scrape again would be a slice of heaven!!!! God Floridians are spoiled brats!!!!!
No, 95 degrees and 90% humidity sucks.
10. Heat does not cause traffic problems. Think about all the times it has taken you hours to get home from work because of snow and ice. Sure, if you live on the Cape or near the beach there’s traffic in the summer, but who cares?
9. Nearly twice as many people die from exposure to cold weather than those who succumb to hot weather. British researchers compiled the data and found that while weather related fatalities are trending down, you still have a greater risk of dying from the cold. Looks like Grandma was right when she said, “get in here you’ll catch your death of a cold!” Take that global warming.
8. You can’t play golf in the snow.
7. If your AC breaks in the summer your pipes won’t burst.
6. Cold weather hurts, hot weather is uncomfortable. You feel pain in the cold when your skin is exposed. In the heat, you may sweat buckets, but as long as you drink plenty of water and use sunscreen, you’ll be fine.
5. When you come in from the cold it takes time for you to feel warm. When you step inside an air-conditioned room the relief is instantaneous.
4. Humidity does not accumulate by the inch and does not require shoveling.
3. Even on the hottest days of summer, the temperature will drop at night. On the coldest days of winter, it will get even colder at night.
2. Cars get better gas mileage in hot weather even when the AC is on.
1. When was the last time you took a summer vacation to visit a place where it’s cold and snowing because you needed a break from the hot weather and missed winter?
3. LOLOLOLOL. No it doesn’t. It’s stifling at night in most of the south.
1. I miss winter all summer long and I live in a cooler and semi arid climate.
4.Humidity can very much accumulate as in inches of sweat.
5.Not for me
You know what’s great? Not having to worry about Reptiles that are bigger than you snatching your children. Give me two feet of snow over dealing with that.
It’s not just Florida. Anywhere that is hot and humid sucks, period!
I was in St. Pete, Tampa and Clearwater last weekend and didn’t want to leave. While it was a beautiful sunny day for me, my family back in Ohio informed me that it was 28 degrees and very windy……UGH!!! I couldn’t help but focus on a couple driving their convertibles while living totally oblivious to the bs going on in Ohio. Wages suck? Well I’m lucky because I am a federal employee and my soon to be wife is a manager with a company that can transfer her job so we are hoping our house sells here in Ohio so that we can get the HECK outta here!
There’s NOTHING about Ohio that beats Florida. I paid attention to the little details when I was driving around Florida. The streets are in EXCELLENT shape due to the mild climates that the pavement endures over the years in Florida. One simple frozen winter day in Ohio DESTROYS the streets and it’s bombarded with tire damaging potholes. No Palm trees in Ohio, no eye candy, boarded up windows on abamndomed homes everywhere. Ohio SUCKS BALLS!!! Big hairy donkey nuts. As I’m typing this rant it is 78 degrees in Tampa while it’s a dull 50 degrees in Ohio.
My daily Ohio rant weather check for March 2, 2017. It’s 5:40 AM and it’s a boring cold 26 degrees Fahrenheit in Youngstown…..meanwhile it’s 70 degrees Fahrenheit in Tampa…….wow Florida “sucks”.
Daily weather report from Ohio. Snow with a high of 25 degrees today which means another day of driving with the windows up and heater on full blast. Meanwhile in Tampa Florida it will be 76 and sunny which means that you can ride your motorcycles and convertibles with the sun shining in your face.
Daily Ohio weather forecast. Current temperature of 15 bone chilling skin numbing degrees with a high of 23 today with more snow showers which means another SOLID day of staying indoors and watching tv being bored to death. Meanwhile in Tampa it’s currently a mild 55 degrees with a high or 76 and sunny which means another day of motorcycle riding, driving convertibles with the top down, barbecues, swimming or relaxing in the beautiful outdoors……..GOD that must “suck”.
Daily Ohio weather report. We’re still trying to get warmer. Currently 52 degrees outside with a high of 56. Still can’t break the 60 degree mark. Rain today so once again it’s another chilly day to spend indoors. Meanwhile in Tampa Florida it is currently 60 degrees with a high of 83 and sunny. I guess that means another day of driving in convertibles, riding motorcycles, swimming, fishing from the boats, jogging and enjoying another fun sun filled day eating outside at your favorite seafood restaurant while watching dolphins. Dang that must suck.
Ohio weather forecast for the day. Currently it’s a cold 36 degrees right now with a high of 51 degrees for the day. That’s another day of driving with the windows up, heater on, no motorcycling, no swimming and no recreational outdoor activities comfortably. Meanwhile in Tampa Florida it is a nice 66 degrees with a high of 82 degrees today which means another day of driving with the windows down, driving in convertibles, motorcycling, swimming, barbecuing, jogging, fishing and enjoying many other outdoor activities……..dang this must “suck”.
Ohio daily weather forecast. 43 degrees right now with a high of 48 and rain which means another day of indoor stuff. Meanwhile in Tampa Florida it is currently 64 degrees with a high of 83 degrees and no clouds at all. Pure warm sunshine which means another day of driving with the windows down, driving in convertibles, riding motorcycles, jogging, swimming, fishing, barbecues and other outdoor fun…….dang Florida is depressing.
Ohio weather forecast for the day. It’s the month of spring and guess what? We have SNOW today. That’s right, it’s currently 30 degrees with an expected high of 32 degrees. More snow shoveling, ice scraping, sitting around indoors and watching tv. Meanwhile in Tampa it is currently 65 degrees with a high of 82 degrees and sunny! Dang, another darn day of driving around with the convertible top down, swimming, barbecues, fishing, motorcycle riding and enjoying the wonderful outdoors. That must SUCK!!!!
Ohio weather forecast for the day: right now it’s a skin numbing 14 degrees with a high of 23 degrees today which means another day of sitting around and trying to stay warm. Meanwhile in Tampa Florida today it is currently 65 degrees with a high of 85 and plenty of “depressing” sunshine. Another day of driving in convertibles, riding motorcycles, barbecues, volleyball, golfing, playing tennis, fishing, swimming and washing your cars down. My GOODNESS the non stop misery of basking in excellent weather.
Ohio weather forecast for the day. Current temperature is 20 degrees with a high of 27 degrees which means another day of having the heater on full blast or sitting around indoors again. So far an entire week straight of indoor cabin fever bull crap!! Meanwhile in Tampa it is a nice 69 degrees with a high of 77 which means another day of driving with the convertible top down, motorcycle riding, barbecuing, fishing, golfing and enjoying the warmth that Florida offers all year round…….oh the misery.
Ohio weather forecast for the day. Currently it’s another soul sucking, car battery draining, air tire pressure leaking 17 degrees outside with an expected high of 36 degrees and more snow which means another day of ice scraping, freezing, pothole dodging and finger numbing misery. Meanwhile in Florida, the current temperature is 64 with a high of 76 and rain which means fresh vegetation, green grass and decent comfort of not freezing to death like the poor souls up north. Dang this warmness “sucks”.
It’s the first day of spring in Ohio and the current temperature is a measly 33 degrees with a high of 47 degrees……nope, no flowers, no blooming trees, no butterflies or birds chirping. Just another day of grey skies and dead trees and grass. Oh, meanwhile in Tampa Florida it is a lovely 51 degrees with a high of 76 and sunshine all day. Plenty of green grass, chirping birds and fresh green vegetation. Enough to put anyone in a great mood. My goodness that must “suck”
Florida is sinking into the ocean, and by 2025, Miami and other parts of south Florida will be under the sea!
I’ve finally moved to Florida! Loving it here. No more SNOW!!!!! It’s November and I’m FINALLY driving with the top down!
Just for giggles I’m checking back in today as a Floridian now. Moved in September from Ohio and I have to say that I do not regret my decision. It’s 25 degrees in my hometown today while it’s 77 here! Tomorrow I’ll be driving to Riverview Florida with the windows down and music blasting to my brother’s house for some outdoor barbecue fun. Thanks Florida for keeping me warm from another hideous Ohio frost bitten winter!
Ah yes, another beautiful 80 degree day here and guess what, another day of driving home with my convertible top down and catching some sun rays on my way home. Back in Ohio….dun dun dee duunnn…….boring 39 degrees with a high of 41, rain and clouds all day. Wow! Still trying to figure out what’s so AWFUL about the joys of a tropical warm climate.
The previous 3 comments have me pointing and laughing at the people who move down here at the cusp of fall and think it’s just paradise here! Let me be blunt, I’ve lived in Florida for 26yrs. I was brought here against my will as a kid and got stuck here during the recession (the city I live in was 2nd in the nation in foreclosures next to Las Vegas and I didn’t get a raise for 7yrs.) So I’ll summarize it for people who are seriously considering moving here. It’s 95deg with 90% humidity between May and all way through September. Like watching the tulips come up in spring and the leaves change color in the fall? No such thing. Like being able to sit outside on summer nights without it feeling it’s like the Amazon rain forest outside? No such thing. Like running your a/c on Christmas day? (yes, that’s right.) Then Florida IS the place for you! I should clarify that I’ve lived in SW Florida and the panhandle and would take the panhandle any day. The cold fronts just will not pass through south Florida in September and October. Let me be clear, these are the cold fronts that will make it at least feel like 85 instead of 90. The snow wimps come down in droves every fall and clog up the restaurants and beaches. The only time of the year when it IS nice to live here. So, if you have a problem regulating your own body temperature (if you think 70deg is “cold”) and would like to run your a/c 9 months in a row and sweat like a pig within 2 minutes of being outside because you can’t handle 3 months of cold weather, then Florida is the place for you! It’s a wonderful place to visit, but NOT to live year round.
Why I left Florida for GOOD. I moved to Tampa Florida in 1980 at the 35 years of age. I found my first apartment near Bush Gardens on 56st street on the Hillsborough river. It was only 100 dollars a month, a good thing when your starting out building your clientele. My first time showering in that apartment, there was no shower head on the pipe, a palmetto bugs the size of Godzilla shot out of that pipe and was injected into my wet hair, where it tied to get away from my waling arms and screams.
My high pitch girly squeals only made the giant bug dig deeper into my scalp, only making the pitch of my screams louder and more unbearable for the bug, and any other type of life form within hearing distance. A month after that, one of my new friends from the salon came to my apartment for dinner. I was standing over my stove string the pasta sauce when it started to snow over me and the stove. It was the ceiling tiles crumbling, it was a huge water stained spot I had noticed, that and hookers changing cloths under Neath my outside window between shift’s the minute I moved in.
The next thing I remember is hitting the ground landing on my back, when my eyes adjusted, and my brain kicked in, I thought I landed on my snake skin boots, I thought, how the F__k did my snakeskin-boots get out here in the kitchen? but the boots began moving, a 14-foot python had been living in my roof for years I found out. It fell through the ceiling and landed on my head then landing on my chests and stomach. Yet again, the high pitch of a three-year old girl squeals filled the city. My screams for help sent Barbra to the phone calling animal-control 911 and they came and got the snake off my chest. The snake had just swallowed something and was digesting that’s why it just laid on me without moving so much. I called the landlord and told him see ya in the funny papers.
A month later I went to Lettuce Lake in Temple Terrace to do some fishing to take my mind of that Godzilla-Bug and snake falling from the sky issue. I had just sat down in my new camping chair and just set out a decent cast when a gator ran up out of the water and missed my leg by an inch biting into the leg of my new chair and pulled it into the lake. I had no Idea I was able to run so fast in hot sand while carrying a hot load of shit in my pants.
Then 1995 I bought my first house in Land O Lakes. It was only a month when I had left my truck window down one night next to a tree, a snake slid in off the branch and made its way into my truck. When I was driving down Dale Mabry Hwy to work that morning, I felt something coil around my left ankle, I thought the cable wire had broken and snapped and wrapped around my angle. No such luck, it began to move when I looked down it was a cotton mouth wrapping tighter around my ankle. Survival mode kicked in, now I am dealing with venom, I knew I was unable to move or scream like a girl this time. My plan was to take my foot off the gas and let my truck coast and when it finally stopped, I slowly opened the door and very slowly turned to lift my leg with the snake on it out to door and onto the ground in hopes he would disappear. Right then a truck went barring by and the loud sounds of the truck scared the snake sending the snake back up under my seat. It was at that point I put it in park and jumped out of my truck jumping and a hoping as if I had stepped on hot mouton Laval and called for help. When help arrived, I felt it was now safe to jump and down and scream like a girl.
Two weeks after that, I went home from a 15-hour day in the salon, when I got home at 10: 00P.M, and walked into my bedroom, I began taking off my shirt and my teacup dog named Dolly was standing by the bedroom door wagging her tail at me, then a coral snake struck at Dolly from the behind of my bedroom door missing her by an inch. I grabbed her up and placed her into her pet carrier and placed her high up on my dresser. I grabbed a shovel and beat the spine out of that coral snake. I sat on the edge of my bed pulling my self together wiping the sweat off my face and thanking God Dolly was not bitten, When I moved my blanket cover away from me there laid another coral snake, so I beat the spine out of it as well. I grabbed Dolly and drove to Carrollwood and stayed at an elder lady friend’s house, when she took me past her guest bedroom I smelled a strange smell, I looked inside that room and in a 55-gallon aquarium laid a 10-foot python. The woman tried to fondle my crotch all night. I don’t know what was worse, bobbing and weaving and being savaged by snakes or an elderly woman who kept snakes for pets who had not had sex for that past forty years. Not a second of sleep.
When I went back to my lake home in Land O Lakes, one morning a 10-foot gator came under my fence and killed one of my Dobermans. So, I sold that house and bought another home on Ocean Pine Drives in Pasco county in 2001.
Being in my new home only a year, I walked out of my back door with Dolly to let her go pee-pee. Dolly was standing right by my right foot when Sheba my Doberman came flying in and grabbed Dolly up and carried her about five feet away gently layed her down and flew back and bit into a rattle snake standing right behind me. The snake bit into Sheba’s right shoulder, at that point I took off scooped up Dolly running her into my house placing her into her crate, grabbing my truck keys and run out grabbed up Sheba laid her in my truck and drove a hundred miles an hour to my vet. Sheba was dead before I got there.
A week after that I got up in the dark at 2:00am, to go to the bathroom, and I stepped on what I thought was a garden hose, but when I hit the light switch it was a black snake that I stepped on with my bare feet. And that’s when I started doing the hokey pokey butt-naked, as I looked for the broom to beat the snake out of my house, when I opened the back-door to throw the snake out a giant brown bat flew into my house, and a new set of horror blanketed over me, by now I thought, I may as well move into the center of the rainforest. I had bought the 3 acres, one was so heavily wooded I had no Idea there was a small pond hidden in the dense under growth, and it was a haven for cotton mouths, when I looked past the brush and saw all those snakes, what was left of my hair stood on ends.
All the while living in Florida and both homes 24-7 I had to battle ‘constricting snakes’, ‘alligators when fishing’, fire-ants, banana spiders, brown recluse spiders, palmetto bugs, ticks, ‘venomous snakes’, misquotes, never ending tick, fleas and heart worms in my dogs, armadillos and golfer tortoise tearing up my yards, a new bug moving in and eating up all my orange tree blossoms losing all hope for fruit to grow, sink holes and rising sea levels. I had to dodge insane people in the mist of road rage to and from work each day, hit and run is out of control another insurance scam. Lots and lots of crime, all kinds of crime, so many drugs dealers and people doing drugs.
I watched so many people get on drugs lose everything they worked for. I had to battle mold and mildew in my apartments, homes, salons and my truck from so much humidity in the air. I had to take dry cloths and change when I got to work, car air conditioners never really kept the humidity down inside the car. Laundry had to be done every day. All summer the smell of mold was everywhere. Each Xmas by the time I got my live xmas tree home from Publix, the needles fell off in the back of my truck before I even got home from the heat. Lots of my friends in Ft Lauderdale, Miami and other parts of Florida have already lost their boat ramps, back yards and most of their front yards and streets to rising sea water. Clean drinking water is on is way out, politicians are crocked, so much fraud in the car, home and business and health industry. You better hope you don’t have to go in to a hospital, you will be dead before you to see a Doctor. Florida is full of unstable minds. Lawyers are even more corrupt and worse in the State of Florida. Property taxes were outrageous, car insurance was even more outrageous, my car Insurance was cut in half when I left Florida. Then a sink hole swallowed up one of my acers and my new riding lawn mower. A week later a sink hole swallowed up my friend Jeff Bush and his dog while he slept. Then a neighbor made the news when their albino python escaped and killed their little girl.
Living with so much dense HUMIDITY and the constant fear of being destroyed by hurricanes became unbearable for me. I had to work my ass off to pay for a constant supply of fire-ant mound dust, snake and bug repellent, my vets bill’s where through the roof, insurance on my salon on my home and on my truck. Insurance for my home was the worst, it kept going up and up. I had to place a lot of money in deposits on uphaul trucks every summer, why my face became so common the employees at U-Haul knew everything about me, my address, employment, my banks, my birthdate my SS, cell and home phone numbers, everything what size underwear I wore, how many times my bowels moved in a day, my favorite foods and restaurants, my hopes and dreams. I can’t tell you how many times I had to pack up my pets and everything to get ready to evaluate, so many times stuck stressed to the limit in hot traffic sitting in the hot U-hauls.
The worst of all on December 21, 2003 I was fishing in the mangroves near the Skyway bridge that night when I had been attacked, knocked out beaten and left for dead around 3:45a,.m, I was found by two fishermen the next morning floating on my back in the waters of Tampa bay.
The two men that tried to end my life turned out to be Steve Lorenzo and Scott Schweickert two of Tampa’s bay worst serial killer’s cannibals to ever live. Come to find out Steve Lorenzo was living just a mile from my 1st apartment and was the very same man that had done my home inspection on my Pasco home in 2001. Steve Lorenzo a mass killer and he was in my home, months later he kid napped someone I knew, but he escaped out the bedroom window before the drugs kicked in. Steve Lorenzo and Scott Schweickert murdered and slaughtered another friend of mine, Jason Galehouse, two days before they attacked me in the man groves.
So, it came down to me staying in Florida risk going bankrupt or bald from stress and suffering a nervous breakdown never knowing when another snake is going to end up on my legs, chest or in my bed. I moved out of Florida and will never return. Looking back, Florida for me and so many other was full of stress, environmental dangers, an epidemic of road-rage and danger in general, drugs, struggles and crimes, so many people come and go, its hard to make friends for any amount of time. I had met only one of hundreds of people that I was able to trust in the end. To this day we are best of friends, the rest are in prison, killed by serial killers, swallowed up by sink holes, swallowed up or bitten by snakes and fire-ants, killed in road-rage. So, it’s safe to say, I am no fan of Florida after 39 nine years, I say F___k Florida, it won’t be long before it’s taken over by snakes and goes under water. Every one of my intellectual friends have already left Florida.
Anyone who moves to and buys a home in Florida or anywhere near a cost line is insane and stupid. Crooks, scams, frauds, drug addicts, money-laundering, road-rage, health and insurance collapse, stronger Hurricanes and sea water will destroy Florida very soon.
My life is wonderful now, me and my dogs feel safe for the first time in 40 years. I have so much more money in my bank and pockets, no stress when driving, no road-rage, no bugs, snakes or gators trying to kill me. NO more, dense hot unbearable HUMIDITY. LOL, have at it people living in Florida.
Ah yes, summer in Florida: April 15th through April 14th, with a short 2-week break in February. We all live in air conditioned caves most of the year, perpetually sprinkled with mold spores from moist AC ducts . . . I was never in the Legion but I’m still at risk for Legionnaire’s Disease which adds just that little extra bit of spice to life here. I’ve always thought that you ended up in Florida because you did something really bad.
This place is a shit hole! I regret it here, worse drivers, average i.q. if they even have one is 7 to 10 grade mentality. ITS A JOKE HERE! LOOK IT UP AND DO A SEARCH ON WHY FLORIDA FAT OBESITY PROBLEMS. REDNECKS AND BLACK ARE BOTH IGNORANT BIGOT. FOOD IS HORRIBLE AND PRICE OF PRODUCE IS EXPENSIVE. I need to Move back to California. NO ITS NOT EXPENSIVE! JOB OPPORTUNITIES AND DIVERSITY. I am professional educator, that taught k-12 and college. I AM WELL AWARE OF THE ENVIRONMENT AND WHAT GOES ON IN THE WORLD AND THESE PEOPLE IN FLORIDA ARE STUPID, FAT, LAZY, AND MORE STUPID DRIVERS, CLUELESS. I WOULD ADD MORE WORDS AND ITEMS TO SAY BUT ITS A WASTELAND HERE FULL OF ABTUSE PEOPLE.